All Hail Mighty Grugis








The Story of Grugis
Pictures of Grugis
The Reliquery
The Worship of Grugis
Grugis's Companion God












The Story of Grugis

One day, after stealing a green plastic strut from a children's playground, we sat around wondering what to do with it. Suddenly, it hit us in a flash: we could worship it! He revealed to us that his name was Grugis, and that he was a fertility god: hence, the phallic shape. We immediately took our god outside to celebrate. We stood around smoking cigars happily, until another thought struck us: to set fire to Grugis would be a great way to worship him. We went to get rubbing alcohol, which we poured all over him, and then we ignited it.

Grugis burned beautifully, until another great thing happened. His face began to appear amidst the flames. As he burned, his plasticness caught fire and began to melt in the shape of a mouth.

Tossing a match into his mouth, we were shocked to discover that the heat had produced a backdraft effect. A four foot flame like a blow torch shot out of Grugis' mouth. This was truly the consumation of our newfound god.



The Reliquery

The reliquery is the temple of Grugis; our apartment. One of the ways that we give homage to our god is by destroying personal property, so we spend a good deal of our time destroying the reliquery. The inner sanctum of Grugis, the balcony, looks like a mad scientist's lab. The concrete floor is covered with chemical stains, burn marks, broken glass, melted pastic, burnt matches, and cigar and cigarette butts. Inside, the walls are covered with slingshot induced dents, burn marks, and pulverized alkaseltzers. The reliquery is truly a place of hedonistic destruction.

Pictures of Grugis

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The Worship of Grugis

These are the ways in which we now worship our new god:

  • smoking cigars and pipes
  • setting large fires
  • eating food so hot that it's not fit for human consumption
  • eating beef and pork so raw that it's not fit for human consumption
  • mad drunkenness
  • shooting things with a slingshot
  • making matchhead firecrackers
  • mastering the arts of the useless
  • philosophizing nonsensically
  • not going to classes
  • insanely loud music
  • playing many instruments, but none of the well
  • collecting exotic weapons
  • strolls around campus at the latest possible hour
  • anything that harms the body or destroys personal property

Grugis's Companion God

Grugis' companion god has revealed himself. This new god has revealed to us that his
name is Constantine. He resembles an orange highway cone, but of course, he has a face.
He has not yet revealed to us what he is a god of, but we believe that he will soon. Until
we know this, taking pictures of him would be sacrilege. As soon as we can, we will put
pictures of him here.




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